The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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