i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
