Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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