My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
