Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
