you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
