yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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