question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
