I seem to have left my pride at pride
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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