I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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