dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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