remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
