he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
