dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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