new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she peed on how many people?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
