and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
