It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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