that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
