You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
