I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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