At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
