i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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