The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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