My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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