Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
