just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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