you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
