Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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