Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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