Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
