I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
