At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
