So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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