the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
