just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.