Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?