I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(