I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
