I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
