its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
