Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
try to milk me bitch
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