I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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