I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
