I met the friendliest cop last night
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
