I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I want to fling myself into the sun
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