I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
