Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
