I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
