Old men and throwing up are my life now.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
