life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize