I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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