i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
