I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
