i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
