I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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