Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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