Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
