im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
