We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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