You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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