So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
