So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
