I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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