I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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