For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
