no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
