Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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