My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
