I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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