Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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