Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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