Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
