I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
