i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
