1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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