dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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