Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
