I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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