I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize