im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
