The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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