Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
