it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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