I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
