Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
